Don’t Spiritualize Away Conflict

Today, I want to reflect on a lesson from one of my favorite books, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality.

One of the most destructive myths in the Christian community is the belief that ignoring disagreements, or turning a blind eye to them, is what it means to follow Jesus. We often avoid conflict and rationalize it by saying it’s the "Christian" thing to do.

We tell ourselves we’re maintaining unity, peace, or love by ignoring conflict and sweeping it under the rug. I get it—no one likes conflict. It’s painful and can feel like an admission that something is wrong, which is a scary thought.

But unresolved conflict doesn’t just disappear. Its negative effects fester beneath the surface, eventually emerging in unexpected and often more damaging ways. A single unresolved disagreement can morph into multiple smaller, seemingly unrelated issues, making it harder to identify and address the root cause.

It may seem obvious that we should resolve conflicts, but the problem is that we often think we are resolving them when we’re not. Instead, we aim for the quickest and least painful solution, which rarely leads to true resolution. Unfortunately, life isn’t easy, and neither is genuine conflict resolution.

True conflict resolution is difficult, and few of us are naturally good at it. One reason is that many of us didn’t grow up in environments where conflicts were resolved in a healthy way. Instead, we learned bad habits and became conditioned to view conflict as inherently negative rather than as a potential force for good.

In reality, conflict can be a powerful tool for growth—both for ourselves and for others. Jesus encountered many conflicts during His ministry, but He used them as opportunities to teach and help people. While we’re not called to teach like Jesus, we are called to learn from others. Healthy conflict resolution often begins with a genuine effort to understand the other person’s perspective.

When we take the time to truly understand someone—and help them understand us—we can reach agreements or at least appreciate why they hold their beliefs. This kind of deep understanding isn’t easy; it requires humility, patience, and the recognition that our perspective is limited. By seeking God’s wisdom, we can gain insight beyond our own understanding and grow through these interactions.

It’s time to stop running from conflict. Let’s face it head-on and address it with courage and grace. Look back on conflicts you’ve avoided and consider bringing them into the light, where they can be opportunities for growth. In doing so, we can become better versions of ourselves—the people God created us to be.

Good luck, and may God guide you in your journey toward healthier relationships.