Assume the Person You are Talking to Might Know Something You Don’t
Have you ever been talking with someone and begun to tune them out because you know more about the subject than they do? Or what about when you go into the argument and you already “know” that you are right so you begin attacking their position as opposed to hearing what they have to say? I know I have been an offender of these situations far too many times.
When we assume that we are right, or have all of the knowledge, we close ourselves off to the possibility of learning and that is dangerous. Its dangerous because you don’t know everything about anything.
As soon as you assume you know everything, and you cut yourself off from learning from others, you are running blindfolded through the woods. You may be fine for a while but eventually you are going to run face first into a tree and get hurt. On top of that you’ll be confused, you’ll wonder “where the heck did that tree come from, I never even saw it coming”. No wonder you never saw it coming, you didn’t have the right knowledge or perspective to see it coming.
By truly listening to what others have to say in conversations, and especially in arguments, you open yourself up to learn. Then you will be able to see more clearly though your blindfold so that maybe you can avoid the tree.
So what does this look like in practice? How can we act this out?
Start with humility
Consider Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves”.
If you are being truly humble in a conversation it will be easy to realize that you could be wrong, or at least that part of you is wrong. Too often we think the world is black and white, write or wrong, and that is part of the reason we argue so passionately about our positions. However, more often than not you are not 100% right, and they are not 100% wrong, search for the areas where they are right and learn from it. Take that new information and use it to improve your stance in the future so you are better able to take on the challenges of life.
Christ began with humility and so should we.
Seek wisdom with every conversation
Once you are humble enough to know that everyone knows something you don’t, set your mindset to seeking wisdom with every conversation.
When you know that everyone knows something that you don’t, conversations suddenly become a lot more exciting, because instead of conversations being a way to kill time or gossip, they turn into a way to learn and grow.
Everyone has some great piece of wisdom hidden inside of them. Make it your job to search it out and bring it to light.
What does it mean to win and argument?
Most people think of winning an argument as something along the lines of being able to refute all of the other persons points, leave them speechless, or get them to give in or give up. But when you consider the long game this isn’t winning at all.
When you “win” an argument, especially with someone you are close to, you are in reality destroying the relationship. Instead of trying to destroy the relationship by “winning”, build the relationship by seeking to understand the other person and truly hearing what they have to say.
Also, you can win an argument and still be wrong. Just because you are better at articulating your point, or maybe you have spent more time researching you side, doesn’t automatically make you right. Sometimes the person you are arguing with may have a very good point but they just don’t know how to get it across. If you quickly kill what they are trying to say before the real point is able to come to the surface you are doing yourself a disservice, because you aren’t allowing the chinks in your armor to show. And the longer you leave those weaknesses in your argument unattended, the more difficult they will be to deal with when they are brought to light.
Listen to your enemies
Often times your enemies will tell you lies about yourself. They will say anything and everything they can to tear you down. But every once in a while, they will tell you something true about yourself that not even your friends will tell you.
They will be looking for your weaknesses and flaws, whereas friends try to ignore them and move past them, and when they find your flaws you know they are going to expose them.
Discovering these things about yourself will be painful, and it will require that you make changes to who you are and how you operate, but by addressing these serious weaknesses in yourself you eliminate some of the biggest barriers to happiness and success in your life.
The biggest difficulty with this is to sort through what is a lie and what is the truth. You will have to evaluate and consider each attach and decide for yourself. However, often times you will know deep down which attacks are true.
Now it is time to act. Shift your mindset, know that everyone as something to offer, listen with humility, seek wisdom, and listen to everyone. Good luck.